3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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