Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
