I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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