Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
