Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
