I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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