Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
