I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
