FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
