were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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