I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
