; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
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