I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
