Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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