shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
