I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
