It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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