Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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