can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
