Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
