its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
