He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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