I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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