I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
