Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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