what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
