Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
