my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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