Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Can I color on your dick again?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
