Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
