i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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