i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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