Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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