is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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