let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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