I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She's the barista slut.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
