I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
