Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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