how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
