Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
