At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
