i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
