I CAN MOONWALK!
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
