you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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