he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
