I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
