yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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