The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
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nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
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This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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