I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
In other news, I just burned my penis
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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