Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
