There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
