You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
