I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
