I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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