Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
