NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
