So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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