at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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