if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
