Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
