you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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