About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
