Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
