yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.