i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
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Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
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I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.