i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
