My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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